A colleague of mine shared an interesting article with me over the weekend that gave me a bit of a kick in the ass. First, he caught me in a moment where I realised that I should be writing, it has been too long. Not because I fancy myself as a writer by any means, more as a way to grow and reflect to be better and do better. The second reason propelled me to reflect about my experiences over the years. Below I’ve tried to capture points that demand radical transparency to build my own self-awareness in my professional and personal life.
In the article mentioned above, it stated that 95% of people think they are self-aware. After a 5 year study their findings were very different. About 5-10% of people are actually self-aware. Surely, most of us are too stimulated and distracted to ensure we consistently dedicate time to deeply reflect. I find the reflection piece quite easy. It is the daily discipline that leads to behavioural change that is the true test. To me that action and motivation needs to be in sync with wanting to make positive changes to grow as a person and learn from experience.
This got me thinking… What experiences have revealed more about me, (ego, biases, assumptions and realities) and the people I have worked with over the years.
Over my career there have been many peaks and valleys. Every moment with impact has shaped and uncovered countless lessons. I’m going to do my best to offer some pearlers (yes, at least I think they are) that I have come to value as insights for me to learn from and bring with me for the road ahead.
Alright, let’s dive right in…
Share the things that are hardest to share.
While it might be tempting to limit transparency to the things that can’t hurt you, it is especially important to share the things that are most difficult to share, because if you don’t share them you will lose the trust and partnership of the people you are not sharing with. So when faced with the decision to share the hardest things, the question should be not whether to share but how.
Be extremely open.
Discuss your issues until you are in sync with each other or until you understand each other’s positions and can determine what should be done.
Don’t worry about whether or not people like you.
Just worry about making the best decisions possible, recognising that no matter what you do, some will think you’re doing something – or many things – wrong. Sometimes you have to make unpopular decisions. Explain the why behind it, make tough calls and own it when you get it wrong. It’s ok. Be humble. They will respect you if they understand the bigger picture.
Be weak and strong at the same time.
Sometimes asking questions to gain perspective can be misperceived as being weak and indecisive. Of course it’s not. It’s necessary in order to become wise and it is a prerequisite for being strong and decisive. Always seek the advice of wise others and let those who are better than you to take the lead. The objective is to have the best understanding to make the best possible leadership decisions.
Allow time for rest and renovation.
If you just keep doing, you will burn out and grind to a halt. Build downtime into your schedule just as you would make time for all the other stuff that needs to get done.
Beware of fiefdoms.
While it’s great for teams to feel a strong bond of shared purpose, loyalty to a ‘boss’ (or another team member) cannot be allowed to conflict with loyalty to the organisation as a whole.
Make sure decision rights are clear.
Make sure it’s clear how much weight each person’s vote has so that if a decision must be made when there is still disagreement, there is no doubt how to resolve it.
Make finding the right people systematic and scientific.
The process for choosing people should be systematically built out and evidence-based. Also show candidates your warts by being open and honest. Show your job prospects the real picture. That way you will stress-test their willingness to endure the real challenges.
Everyone fails. The people I respect the most are the ones that fail well. I respect them even more than the ones that succeed. People who are just succeeding must not be pushing the limits.
Know that nobody can see themselves objectively.
We all have blind spots; people are by definition subjective. For this reason, it is everyone’s responsibility to help others learn what is true about themselves by giving them honest feedback, holding them accountable, and working through disagreements in an open-minded way.
When you have alignment, cherish it.
While there is nobody in the world that will share your point of view on everything, there are people who will share your most important values and the ways in which you choose to live them out. Make sure you end up with those people.
Assess believability by systematically capturing people’s track records over time.
Every day is not a new day. Over time, a body of evidence builds up, showing which people can be relied on and which cannot. Track records matter.
Know when to stop debating and move on to agreeing about what should be done.
I have seen people who agree on the major issues waste hours arguing over details. It’s more important to do big things well than to do small things perfectly. But when people disagree on the importance of debating something, it probably should be debated. Operating otherwise would essentially five someone a de facto veto.
The same standards of behaviour apply to everyone.
Whenever there is a dispute, both parties are required to have equal levels of integrity, to be open-minded and assertive, and to be equally considerate.
Pay north of fair.
Be generous or at least a little north of fair with others in terms of salary and benefits. This will undoubtedly enhance both work and the relationship. This comes back 10 times when people feel valued. Don’t nickel or dime people over small things.
Learn about your people and have them learn about you through frank conversations about mistakes and their root cause.
You need to be clear when recognising and communicating people’s weaknesses. It is one of the most difficult things to do. It takes character on the part of both participants to get to the truth and find a positive way forward.
Look for creative, cut-through solutions.
When people are facing thorny problems or have too much to do, they often think that they need to work harder. But if something seems hard, time-consuming and frustrating, take time to step back and triangulate with others on whether there might be a better way to handle it.
Do what you say you will do.
Show others that you execute – it’s contagious. This one does not need further explanation.
In the interest of this becoming too big – I’ll leave it here. This has been inspired by ‘Principles.’ What shapes your code? For another time.