A colleague of mine shared an interesting article with me over the weekend that gave me a bit of a kick in the ass. First, he caught me in a moment where I realised that I should be writing, it has been too long. Not because I fancy myself as a writer by any means, more as a way to grow and reflect to be better and do better. The second reason propelled me to reflect about my experiences over the years. Below I’ve tried to capture points that demand radical transparency to build my own self-awareness in my professional and personal life.
In the article mentioned above, it stated that 95% of people think they are self-aware. After a 5 year study their findings were very different. About 5-10% of people are actually self-aware. Surely, most of us are too stimulated and distracted to ensure we consistently dedicate time to deeply reflect. I find the reflection piece quite easy. It is the daily discipline that leads to behavioural change that is the true test. To me that action and motivation needs to be in sync with wanting to make positive changes to grow as a person and learn from experience.
This got me thinking… What experiences have revealed more about me, (ego, biases, assumptions and realities) and the people I have worked with over the years.
Over my career there have been many peaks and valleys. Every moment with impact has shaped and uncovered countless lessons. I’m going to do my best to offer some pearlers (yes, at least I think they are) that I have come to value as insights for me to learn from and bring with me for the road ahead.
Alright, let’s dive right in…
Share the things that are hardest to share.
While it might be tempting to limit transparency to the things that can’t hurt you, it is especially important to share the things that are most difficult to share, because if you don’t share them you will lose the trust and partnership of the people you are not sharing with. So when faced with the decision to share the hardest things, the question should be not whether to share but how.
Be extremely open.
Discuss your issues until you are in sync with each other or until you understand each other’s positions and can determine what should be done.
Don’t worry about whether or not people like you.
Just worry about making the best decisions possible, recognising that no matter what you do, some will think you’re doing something – or many things – wrong. Sometimes you have to make unpopular decisions. Explain the why behind it, make tough calls and own it when you get it wrong. It’s ok. Be humble. They will respect you if they understand the bigger picture.
Be weak and strong at the same time.
Sometimes asking questions to gain perspective can be misperceived as being weak and indecisive. Of course it’s not. It’s necessary in order to become wise and it is a prerequisite for being strong and decisive. Always seek the advice of wise others and let those who are better than you to take the lead. The objective is to have the best understanding to make the best possible leadership decisions.
Allow time for rest and renovation.
If you just keep doing, you will burn out and grind to a halt. Build downtime into your schedule just as you would make time for all the other stuff that needs to get done.
Beware of fiefdoms.
While it’s great for teams to feel a strong bond of shared purpose, loyalty to a ‘boss’ (or another team member) cannot be allowed to conflict with loyalty to the organisation as a whole.
Make sure decision rights are clear.
Make sure it’s clear how much weight each person’s vote has so that if a decision must be made when there is still disagreement, there is no doubt how to resolve it.
Make finding the right people systematic and scientific.
The process for choosing people should be systematically built out and evidence-based. Also show candidates your warts by being open and honest. Show your job prospects the real picture. That way you will stress-test their willingness to endure the real challenges.
Everyone fails. The people I respect the most are the ones that fail well. I respect them even more than the ones that succeed. People who are just succeeding must not be pushing the limits.
Know that nobody can see themselves objectively.
We all have blind spots; people are by definition subjective. For this reason, it is everyone’s responsibility to help others learn what is true about themselves by giving them honest feedback, holding them accountable, and working through disagreements in an open-minded way.
When you have alignment, cherish it.
While there is nobody in the world that will share your point of view on everything, there are people who will share your most important values and the ways in which you choose to live them out. Make sure you end up with those people.
Assess believability by systematically capturing people’s track records over time.
Every day is not a new day. Over time, a body of evidence builds up, showing which people can be relied on and which cannot. Track records matter.
Know when to stop debating and move on to agreeing about what should be done.
I have seen people who agree on the major issues waste hours arguing over details. It’s more important to do big things well than to do small things perfectly. But when people disagree on the importance of debating something, it probably should be debated. Operating otherwise would essentially five someone a de facto veto.
The same standards of behaviour apply to everyone.
Whenever there is a dispute, both parties are required to have equal levels of integrity, to be open-minded and assertive, and to be equally considerate.
Pay north of fair.
Be generous or at least a little north of fair with others in terms of salary and benefits. This will undoubtedly enhance both work and the relationship. This comes back 10 times when people feel valued. Don’t nickel or dime people over small things.
Learn about your people and have them learn about you through frank conversations about mistakes and their root cause.
You need to be clear when recognising and communicating people’s weaknesses. It is one of the most difficult things to do. It takes character on the part of both participants to get to the truth and find a positive way forward.
Look for creative, cut-through solutions.
When people are facing thorny problems or have too much to do, they often think that they need to work harder. But if something seems hard, time-consuming and frustrating, take time to step back and triangulate with others on whether there might be a better way to handle it.
Do what you say you will do.
Show others that you execute – it’s contagious. This one does not need further explanation.
In the interest of this becoming too big – I’ll leave it here. This has been inspired by ‘Principles.’ What shapes your code? For another time.
Recently, Chad and I ran three days of professional development at United World College Maastricht.
Every session had a different focus: we wanted to provoke different types of thinking; we wanted people to collaborate (or not) differently; we wanted people to experience different emotions and sensations; we wanted people to move (or not) in different ways.
Over the course of three days, we must have changed the physical set-up of the space more than 10 times. We moved, changed, found, borrowed, adapted and replaced furniture, lighting, display boards, music, scents and resources over and over again to try and achieve the desired effect.
This is not something we just do for teachers. It has become a natural part of our pedagogy. If we want students to think, feel or act in a particular way – which we always do – then we take the time to set up for that. We don’t just assume it will happen and then get all disappointed (or, worse still, blame students) when it doesn’t happen.
- when we want students to focus on one thing, we set up a space in which all other distractions are removed
- when we want students to be calm, we set up a calm atmosphere with lighting and music
- when we want students to create, we set up a studio space that promotes creativity
- when we want students to collaborate, we set up furniture that encourages togetherness
- when we want students to be able to access materials easily, we set up so that everything is accessible quickly and easily
- when we want students to…
I could go on… but I think you’re getting the point! The only time we don’t set things up for students is when we want them to set things up for themselves, when that is the focus of the learning. But, come to think of it, that involves some setting up too!
The scary thing about setting up for learning is that there are many educators out there who don’t do it, who don’t see the purpose or the power of it, who don’t take the time to ensure that their students are thinking, feeling or acting in a way that maximises their potential in each learning situation. Then, when their students are fidgety, when their students misbehave, when their students don’t produce what they’re capable of, when their students’ thinking doesn’t go as deep as it could, when their students make thoughtless choices, when their students struggle to find the materials they need, when their students become irritable… they point the finger at their students, not the fact that they didn’t spend 30 minutes setting up.
Think of the classroom, or learning space, as a series of dinner parties. Take the time to create environments and atmospheres according to the purpose.
There are some great minds out there in different circles. Leaders and teachers doing creative things to explore and examine Who we are and Who we want to become. You just have to look at the steady stream of books being published about the importance of people, relationships, community and culture development in schools, and for life in general.
It’s all great stuff!
For inquiring minds, it creates time and space for contemplation and introspection. However, this is only where the seed is planted. The real growth happens when the germination of ideas breaks through the soil to reveal one’s conscious effort and energy to put words into action. Not only to learn more about Who we are, but to understand why we are the way we are.
It all starts with the notion of ‘Working From Within.’ We need to work on ourselves before we expect our culture or community to change. The climate of our culture, environment and community is a direct reflection of who we are as individuals.
Challenge: Over the course of a week, when chatting with people about a concern or issue do an audit on whether the person you’re talking to is doing one of two things:
- Looking at external factors or forces to explain or make sense of how things could be better; or,
- Looking within to explain or make sense of how things could have been handled differently.
There are many ways you can view the above circles depending on the situation and context.
How can we increase the circle of “What I say to other people,” in the way of honest feedback or challenging negativity without placing pressure or straining the relationship?
While all these books tell us to have radical candor, give feedback, be open and honest…. it’s all great stuff, it really is. In theory. In practice, when feedback is given or there is challenge, the reality is, that after such an interaction, things shift. In the end, we are human.
How can we truly express the things we want to say or more importantly need to be said with grace and honesty, in a way where others understand and the relationship deepens?
We all know of people who are forward and have a steady stream of consciousnesses. We all know of people, who live in their heads and keep it locked there. And then there is everything in-between.
Right now, it feels like (it is like) we are always skimming the surface. We talk a big game, yet we’re constantly traversing and balancing our weight on a tight rope filtering through these circles.
Is it just in schools that it is like this? A lot of us have never left school in the way of a being a student and then coming back as a work place. I wonder what it is like in the police force, hospitals, business firms, law office, construction site……….
It’s not what we say to people, it’s how we say it. Easy to say, more difficult to do.
Developing a culture starts with you. Parts to the whole. What is one thing you’re going to do to be true to your inner thoughts?
What is a mindful School? Let’s narrow that a bit to satisfy our learning context…..
“What does a mindful School do to promote mindfulness?”
This can mean many different things and seeking clarity on defining this would be an inquiry worth exploring together as a School. For the purpose of bringing this even closer to the middle, what does this mean when thinking about prioritizing and synthesizing the things that should matter in School.
In essence, the below points was a process we went through in determining the Time Space Philosophy. What really matters and where should we be putting our intellectual energy?
Being mindful all boils down to having the capacity and wisdom to listen.
Never underestimate the power of listening. Recruiting and harnessing that power of listening has the potential to unlock a cornucopia of ideas, emotion and thinking. This process promotes a lot of soul searching by being introspective and extrospective. It allows us to listen to ourselves and the things (people) around us. We either get caught up in our own internal existence or other external forces…… and a lot of the time – both, depending on the situation.
How can we delineate between our ‘perceptions’ of what we think is happening, against the ‘reality’ of what is happening? And how does this distort our choices and actions in what drives and motivates us to do what is right, fair or ethical, with everyone and everything in mind? How can that mindfulness influence the things that matter or where our attention should be fixed on?
Raw and honest listening, without fear or judgment.
Stumbling over this Philosophy still stands the test of time. These are as true now as they were when first written, all those years ago. Taking the time to connect again and recognizing my own growth (and failings) in these is such an invigorating and timely reminder about being true to our beliefs and values and why it is important to breathe life into them. For us, bringing them into focus again is important. We recognize that importance, so these can once again manifest and transpire in ways that create the best learning environment and conditions for teachers and students to thrive and flourish.
I just shared these with our Primary teachers, asking if anyone is interested in exploring these to examine what, how and why we do what we do. How seeking simplicity will bring us back to our purpose. And coming up with ideas to make these work effectively for our School community. The response was overwhelmingly positive and full of gratitude and appreciation.
This has now led us to use these to guide our own inquiry into how we can be and do better. Working from within, just as we do with students. After our Pi Mai break we are going to do an eight week inquiry into finding ways to take tangible action. Already some ideas are floating around such as having once a month Barbecues at School to socialize and interact…. another idea is that we create the timetable for next year…..and on and on.
We have no idea where this is heading or what the outcome(s) will be. And that is the exciting part. Having teachers feel united and lead an inquiry to plan and prepare for 2018-2019 is incredibly energizing and motivating!
Listening to the things that are important and then working together can only result in one thing. Developing a Culture of trust. A culture where people feel valued and respected to be part of the growing and learning. Being part of the decisions as everything we do ripples. Taking action that empowers us. And having the fortitude and humility to listen to one another, because we know that is where the real power lies – inside all of us to create a mindful School! A School that we co-constructed together as we amplified voice and listened carefully.
How would these ripple out in your School?
What do you think about these as important elements in creating a mindful School?
- The world is increasingly rushed, frantic and discordant. Most schools have become this way too, many of them even worse than the world outside their walls.
- Nothing powerful, creative or innovative ever happens in a rush.
- Allowing teachers and students to focus on “now” rather than always thinking about the next thing.
- Removing as many things as you can from school calendars that have nothing to do withimproving learning.
- Being strong in your beliefs when working with parents.
- Being creative with the timetable – giving yourselves the time to be creative with the timetable – so that time is used effectively.
- Fostering a culture in the school of making explicit connections between time and improving learning.
- Making it unacceptable for school leadership to allow themselves to lose touch with how teachers use their time compared with how they use theirs.
- Looking for opportunities to free up time, not fill up time.
- Working continuously with school boards to help them see the difference between positive andnegative approaches to time.
- Honesty about the role time plays in putting peer-to-peer relationships under strain.
- Practical ways to remove administrative tasks that don’t improve learning.
- Creative strategies to encourage a general sense of “slowing down”.
- Recognising and celebrating mindfulness and its impact on behavior and learning.
In today’s world of multi-tasking – managing work, your family, your home, social media, etc… Life has become ever so complicated!
There isn’t a single moment of “quiet time” that we can afford for ourselves during the day, week, or sometimes even in a month. Life just goes by, with us spinning in place, putting out fires and living everywhere but in the moment. In order to get focused and move forward, we need to quieten the noise!
How do you quieten the noise and get focused?
Step 1: Reflect on the following questions
- What are your top 3 priorities?
- What are your top 3 distractions?
Step 2: Note down & pay attention to the following
- Do you multi-task?
- If you answered ‘yes’ to the previous question, does that truly
make you more productive?
- Pay attention to where you can say ‘no’ more often. Saying ‘yes’ to too many people or things often means saying ‘no’ to something in your own life.
- Understand what boosts your focus and use it when needed.
- Pay attention to when and where you can do a little extra to finish off something important.
Step 3: Outline your plan in small, achievable and measurable
- Devise a plan to consciously block your distractions for chunks of time during the day.
- Focus on your priorities and ensure everything you do, every single day, is moving you a step closer towards achieving them.
- Start with a one-week plan, follow through on it and assess your success on the weekend.
Step 4: Start working towards the new YOU
Are you ready to take action and make changes in your environment, habits and life? If yes, make a note of 3 actions to create more focus in your life.
Knowing about your strengths and weak links – and consciously working with them – can put you way ahead of yourself. If you find yourself wanting to learn more about the cluster of emotions and experiences you’ve become, please do reach out to me and I can conduct online life-coaching sessions with you. I can be reached via email at firstname.lastname@example.org, through my website at
www.innersensecoaching.com, or via LinkedIn or Facebook.
Do you know your weak link/(s)?
All of us have weak links in our lives. For some of us it’s the things
we do to sabotage ourselves. Do you know what you do to
How do you sabotage yourself?
Step 1: Reflect on your life
Think through all the times you have led your life as you desire. Now
think through all the times you haven’t.
Step 2: Note down any patterns in your behavior
- Was there a similarity in the way events played out?
- What was the difference between successful and unsuccessful
- What patterns did you notice in the events that weren’t a
- Did you knowingly or unknowingly sabotage yourself?
Step 3: Outline your plan in small, achievable and measurable
- How can you anticipate patterns in your life?
- How can you intercept those patterns and use them to your
Step 4: Start working towards the new YOU
- Create an achievable plan and start working towards it.
- Now that you’re starting to be more aware of yourself, how can
you continue to help yourself?
Knowing about your strengths & weak links, and consciously working
with them, can put you way ahead of yourself. If you find yourself
wanting to learn more about the cluster of emotions and experiences
you’ve become, please do reach out to me and I can conduct online
life-coaching sessions with you. I can be reached via email at
email@example.com, through my website at
www.innersensecoaching.com, or via LinkedIn or Facebook.
Having the privileged of being in a number of schools and classrooms provides a lot of insight into the teacher personality and how teachers teach. For whatever reason we assume that talking ‘at’ students means they are listening and learning. Research shows that this could not be further from the truth. We need to be mindful of how much we talk ‘at’ students. One person in the room should not be doing all the thinking and talking. It is our responsibility to set the scene for learning, provide a stimulating experience and allow students to lead the conversation and thinking. And if we’re doing our jobs properly, we are capturing and connecting the ideas and thinking swirling around.
We have put this to the test and have had teachers use a timer to measure the time spent talking. This has made teachers consider the talk time when coming together.
Let’s consider a few things first:
- Not every adult in the room has to speak to validate why they are there (if you’re in a co-teaching situation);
- Say what you need to and let students get on with it;
- Use a visual so students can clearly see what you mean;
- Be clear about the learning focus and purpose;
- If there are clarifying questions, let the students go and address the questions in the mean time.
All pretty obvious things, right?!
Talking for 30-40, hey even 20 minutes while students are on the carpet/desks is a real time waster. There is no better way to turn their enthusiasm for learning off. A lot of those behaviour problems will disappear if we engaged our students more and let them drive their learning. We need to give them the time to do that though.
This is where the speaking ‘with’ students comes in. A wise teacher will set the learning, work the room and have conversations with their students. What an opportunity to learn more about what they are thinking while creating excitement and energy for active learning.
While I understand how simple this reminder is, we need to be mindful of the time we use when setting the learning up for our students.
Have a solid structure in place that allows learning to be more fluid so it can flow. Develop clear systems and expectations that in turn create a culture of empowered learners. This will build more independence with our students. Invite students to take authentic action by giving them time so that they have an opportunity to lead their own learning. This requires a lot of trust. Let them go!
Aim for 10 minutes, say what needs to be said and then hand it over to them. Simple!
Once teachers have a good sense of the “big picture” of units, they turn their attention to designing the initial learning experience, or provocation, for their students. Not much more than this should be planned as everything else really depends on how students respond to this initial experience.
When designing powerful learning experiences, it is important to consider these points:
Check teacher attitudes – all teachers involved need to be genuinely curious about their students and how they will react or respond to learning experiences and see themselves as inquirers who are researching their students.
Return to learning – continuously remind yourselves of the desired learning in the unit and also be aware of any other learning that may unexpectedly become part of it.
Know your curriculum – familiarity with the curriculum – basically “knowing it like the back of your hand” – means you can plan for learning and also include unexpected learning as it arises.
Understand difficulty and create struggle – students will only really reveal useful information about themselves to you if there is an element of challenge or struggle involved. This is what separates a provocative learning experience from an “activity”.
Consider group dynamics – be very purposeful about how you intend your students to work… are you looking for them to think independently or to collaborate? Are their choices about how to work part of the information you’re looking for?
Collaborate for effectiveness – work well with your colleagues to make sure each of you has an active role during the experience, such as observing and documenting in different ways.
Test on yourselves – it’s always a good idea, as well as fascinating, for teachers to try out a learning experience on themselves to see how it feels, what is revealed and whether or not it is really worth doing.
Use pace, place and space – these three elements are often overlooked, yet can totally make or break learning experiences. Think carefully about how time will be used and how you can read the situation to add or take away time accordingly. Think carefully about the best location for learning experiences to take place and how that location could be adapted for the purpose. Explore the space and discuss how you can use space intentionally, including the movement of students and the placement of materials, to create the right feeling and atmosphere.
Understand the power of mood – explore ideas and strategies for the creation of particular moods to enhance learning, such as relaxation, mindfulness and music (I’ll write a posting about this soon). Most importantly of all, have high expectations for student attitude and let them know you care about it and take it seriously.
For teachers, planning should never really be easy. It should be mentally taxing. It should be intellectually grueling. It should challenge group dynamics. It should cause tension and emotional responses. Our students – and, more importantly, the future of our world – deserve that this is so.
Sometimes, though, planning can feel easy. A combination of any of the following factors, or energies, can cause this to happen:
- teachers may be extremely interested or motivated by the subject matter
- there may be a serendipitous combination of ideas
- there may be a synergy of personalities
- the context may be almost perfectly timely
Rest assured though, it may feel easy, but it actually isn’t. You see, creating the conditions for any combination of these things to occur, recognizing that they are occurring or making the most of the fact that they are occurring all require thought. They require intellect and they require people with minds wide open enough to harness them, to run with them and to allow them to flow.
That is not easy.
The word “ego” often comes up in conversations about teachers, and not in a positive sense.
We hear teachers being described as having a “big ego”. However, this is usually in reference to teachers who are confident. This confidence comes through by:
- consistently putting ideas on the table
- coming up with an approach and going for it
- refusing to allow oneself to be bullied
- projecting an image of confidence to students
- looking confident
- taking on the challenge of leading people
- stepping up to deal with situations
- consistently contributing to discussions in large groups
Sure, these can sometimes spill over into arrogance or an inflated ego, but usually only when people feel cornered, subject to critical scrutiny by colleagues or – inevitably – malicious gossip.
I think a teacher ego – in it’s negative sense – is much less visible than the things in the list above. I think a negative teacher ego manifests itself as:
- believing one is much better at one’s job than one is
- claiming good practice is obvious, yet not actually doing it
- being a know-it-all
- always referring to one’s own ideas, thoughts and practices and not those of other people
- making it clear that other people’s perspectives matter less than one’s own, either consciously or subconsciously
- consistently talking while other people are talking
- finishing other people’s sentences
- shutting people down
- consistently judging other people’s practice and behaviour
- believing other people are interested in one’s negative or critical thoughts
- struggling to see anything from other people’s perspectives
- consistently making everything about oneself
- making one’s problems someone else’s problems
These behaviours are subtle, divisive and destructive… and particularly so because they are not usually the behaviours of people who are often described as “having a big ego”. Instead, they are often the behaviours of people who come across as insecure and, as a result, are quite hidden.
I should clarify that I’m not writing this posting because of anything that has happened to me recently… some, but not all, of my postings are autobiographical! I guess I’m writing this posting because I would like to see an increasingly sophisticated understanding of:
- what confidence is and why it is important for young people to be taught by confident adults
- how to avoid writing off confident people as having a “big ego” and preventing that initial observation from manifesting itself as malicious gossip
- how to deal with the more subtle, egotistical behaviours that do more harm in our schools than any confident, or even over-confident, behaviours could ever do
image from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/positive-ego-nancy-steidl-1